Loco | We'll never understand the English language

NAIROBI, KENYA - Ok, read this poem and tell me that English isn't crazy:

When the English tongue we speak.
Why is break not rhymed with freak?
Will you tell me why it's true
We say sew but likewise few?
And the maker of the verse,
Cannot rhyme his horse with worse?
Beard is not the same as heard
Cord is different from word.
Cow is cow but low is low
Shoe is never rhymed with foe.
Think of hose, dose,and lose

*Smacking head* ARGH!!!!

-cw

PSA | Start counting down to 6/27/07

NAIROBI, KENYA - Finally, it's come.

The Simpsons Movie.
July 27, 2007.

-cw

Blogging the Nile | Finally, the recap!

NAIROBI, KENYA - Long time comin' on this one, sorry about it! Hopefully when I catch up a little more I'll do a better job on keeping this baby updated. Anyways, here's a little recap of my trip.

• 12/16/05 - Left for Cairo, but we're forced (by Ethiopian Airlines) to stay overnight. Luckily, they supply us with hotel rooms.
  
  
• 12/17/05 - Finally arrive in Cairo. We're picked up by George, who tells us he can drive us all over Egypt... for the price of my right arm. We'll give him a test-run when we go to Mt. Sinai tomorrow.
  
  
• 12/19/05 - Drove to, climbed, and came back from Sinai. George overcharged us, and Lauran and I went to the big bazaar in town, Khan el-Khalili, with public transportation. Sianara, George.
  
  
• 12/20/05 - Checked out the Egyptian Museum. Pretty cool place to hang out, I'd say. Afterwards, we indulged in an expensive meal at the Cairo Hilton. Before turning in for the night, I wrestled with the washing machine.
  
  
• 12/21/05 - Headed up to Alexandria. For the most part, it was super-overrated. However, I truly got a thrill out of the Catacombs of Kom ash-Shuqqafa; I'll never forget that freaky place. (Bonus post - Pictures of Alexandria)
  
  
• 12/22/05 - The Pyramids. Just wow. (Bonus post - Those massive triangle thingys)
  
  
• 12/23/05 - Looked around in the Coptic area of Cairo, then walked for a long time. Then I took a night-bus to Luxor. (Bonus post - Where I was yesterday, satellite view)
  
  
• 12/25/05 - Merry Christmas! Yesterday I did the Karnak Temple, Luxor Temple, and Luxor Museum. Today, I explored the Valley of the Kings, Deir al-Bahri, and ate McDonalds for the first time in 6 months. Tonight I'll take a night train back to Cairo.
  
  
• 12/27/05 - Hung out at an Egyptian coffehouse, Fishawy's, for hours. And it's waaaaay more fun than it sounds.
  
  
• 12/29/05 - Finally back in Kenya. I hate Ethiopian Airlines, and I really hate the Egyptian immigration officials. And my name is not Webb-buh-buh.

Ok, that's all, folks! Hope you read and enjoy these backposts. Sorry they're so late, but hey, art takes time. You'll get over it.

-cw, (or in Arabic, for the final time, )

Loco | Programmable Soda: need I say more?

NAIROBI, KENYA - Oh, this is just crazy.

For example, a programmable cola bottle with buttons for lemon, lime, vanilla, and cherry flavors as well as a caffeine button allows for thirty-two potential choices of soda. A programmable paint container with twenty pigment additive buttons allows the consumer to choose from one million colors.

Do we really need this? Survey says: "YES".

-cw

Hero | Milton Academy ROCKS!

NAIROBI, KENYA - Hope you're enjoying your day. Here's a little nugget that should crack you up, provided you have sound on your PC. If not, dude? C'mon! Stone Age was years ago, the sell speakers for like 17,542 for the dollar. Anyways, turn on your sound, click play, and watch my damn dance NOW!

*Make sure your sound is on, too.

-cw

PSA | Just a little bit longer...

Missing Posts
Originally uploaded by webby37.

NAIROBI, KENYA - Not too much longer, now. I've only got maybe 4 or 5 more posts before my Egypt trip (waaaaaay back in December) is fully revealed.

My apologies to my fans who have been waiting. I think you'll be pleasantly pleased with the work done.

-cw

PSA | Just so ya know...

NAIROBI, KENYA - I am still alive.

The reason I haven't posted any new posts lately is because of the behind-the-scenes post you're not seeing... yet. I've finally got around to typing up my Egypt trip recap, and currently, there are 3 updates just begging to be posted. However, my plan isn't just to post the old/new posts when I get them done, but instead, to wait until their all done, post them all at once, and then do a new post, linking in the old/new posts I'd just added. Makes sense?

Special thanks to you-know-who for the idea!

-cw

Worship | Speed Sister

NAIROBI, KENYA - In response to me being a wee-bit late to Monday's staff worship last week (when I was scheduled to do all the week's worships), I was called to do today's thought. My sister was today's inspiration. Enjoy!

Since day one, Mom always used to say that I’d be a stockbroker on Wall Street and my sister would be an NFL linebacker. That’s not a mistake.

I’m the kind of guy who likes to sit down, read a book, study, play a game, sleep, do whatever. Ariel’s the kind of guy (no typo there) who likes to beat up boys. I drink coffee, she drinks Gatorade. In academy, I ran the school’s online fantasy football team. Ariel just ran the football team. I was a camp counselor, probably because of my exceptional dealings with kids. My sister, who’s never worked at camp, is scheduled to be a lifeguard. The buoys are already on standby.

Last year, she played basketball for 3 months on a knee that would swell up like a watermelon during the pre-game lay-up drill. After those 3 months of what the average human would describe as “nearly unbearable pain”, my dad finally forced her to go get it checked. The MRI showed she had ripped both meniscus and her ACL. She’s a dude.

Me? When I stub my toe, I’m on the injured-reserved for the rest of the week.

The difference between us is probably the most polar in our skiing style. I like to get up the mountain, stop at the top for a drink of water, and meander down the face of the hill, cutting back and forth across the slope. It’s not that I can’t go fast, or that I don’t want to, either. I just figure that since it takes a solid five minutes for the ski lift to carry us to the top, there’s no point in just rushing back down again, huh? I stop to take pictures, wait for my mom, jam on my MP3 player, just do whatever.

Ariel, on the other hand, feels that God invented downhill skis to do just one thing: go downhill. She swings off lift, makes “French fries” (as opposed to my “pizza pie”), and guns down the grade like there’s no tomorrow. She gathers speed, crouches down like she’s Peekabo Street, and it’s off. All of a sudden, snowboarders bow down, children run to their mothers, and the elderly dive for the woods. Ariel has no brakes, and she enjoys skiing like this. Move out of her way, or prepared to be lying broken and bloodied along the way.

The most horrifying thing she does literally involves 4 and 5 year olds. On any major mountain, there are “ski-school” classes for people who want to brush up on their skills, and they’re only a day class, so really, it’s a great opportunity to go out there, take the class, and gain a little more skill so the next day’s skiing can be even better. While the adults and teens are at these classes, little barely-able-to-walk kids are in their own classes, learning how to ski or ride the mountain as well. The absolute cutest sight on the slopes is to look up and see a line of 10 of these little runts, buttoned up to their neck by mom and dad, following inches behind their instructor. They fall on their butts, yea, but they just pop right back up. No fear, and the most beautiful thing you see all day.

Most skiers like to go on by the little ones, watch them and smile back on the good old days, and then pass on by. Not Ariel. When she sees a groupd of kids in front of her, cutting left and right across the hill, she aims right for the middle of the group and tries to go through them without hitting any. And she’s not very good and this sport. Usually (and I wish I could say this was a joke), there’s 3 or 4 kiddies lying on the ground when she blazes through. Then, she turns her head around, gleefully snickers at her accomplishment, and continues smoking down the mountain, looking for more victims. She’s the devil.

I don’t get a thrill out of this sort of thing. While my sister thinks my system of skiing is boring, I know in my heart that she’s wrong and I’m right, that she’s going to kill a man and that I’m going to have a great, safe day skiing. Any other human would agree that her way of skiing is horrifying, that it’s dangerous, and could very easily get her other knee dismantled. But same thing that frightens you, me, and 99% of the rest of the snow-loving world is Ariel’s life, her style, her drug. She gets down the mountain, sweat heavy on her forehead, and is always the first one to say “Ok, one more?” The very things that scare people – the speed, the altitude, the lack of control – are the very things that put joy into her life.

There are other things that scare people, too. Persecution sounds rough. I hate facing tribulation in my life, and suffering? What could be worse? But really, aren’t those the things that put joy into our lives? Romans 8:37 says “In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” Not in spite of them, but in them, through them, with them. A true believer doesn’t have God in his life despite these things, but really, because of them.

One of these days my sister’s going to crash. I’m a bad person, so I’ll probably laugh at her and say she had it coming. But hopefully, it’ll be a crash small enough that she’s not seriously injured, but big enough that she learns how she’s putting the lives of others in jeopardy on the mountain. But I know this kid, and I know that no matter what, it won’t extinguish her fire. She’ll continue speeding down the slopes, and no matter how scary it is, she’ll keep doing it.

Shouldn’t we all be so lucky?

-cw

Update | Chiefs cuts

NAIROBI, KENYA - Ok, so I did give you warning...

My prediction for what will be done, however, is different: KC cuts Shields, McCleon, Warfield, Barber, and possibly Priest.

So really, I was mostly right. We stilll haven't heard anything about Will Shields, but his agent recently stated that he will be playing in 2006, so you've gotta assume it's for KC. No news on Priest, thank the Lord. Gary Stills was my only suprise, but really, he's always been a guy on my nerves because he literally does one job all the time (right up there with long-snapper Kendell Gammon). So thank you, Carl.

The word of Chris: I like these moves. It was the best way to go under the cap. Hopefully something will happen and we can replace Warfield... anyone interested in Ty Law? or Lawyer Milloy? Reggie Howard? Hmmm... There are definately other cornerbacks on the free agent market, plus the oppurtunity in the NFL Draft. Let's hope the Chiefs management has a trick up their sleeve.

Also, the CBA got a 3-day extension before free-agency began, so it might not be the last cuts we see. Pray.

You heard it here first.

-cw

Observations | SPECIAL "CHIEFS OFF-SEASON" EDITION

BOYS’S DEAN’S OFFICE – Remember a long time ago when I used to do this blog every day? No? think back harder…

Anyways, I used to do this blog every day, and in those days, I had seriously considered a new project: a Daily Cowbell, KC Chiefs edition. Did you know that there’s one new blog started every minute? Well, with my Chiefs knowledge, I thought that perhaps being a center for Chiefs news, rumors, and commentaries would be pretty awesome.

I decided against doing it, in the long run (although I have considered the next step –the podcast. Keep posted…), but with free agency (without this mystical thing called a CBA) starting today, I figured I’d give a special version of my take on what’s going on. So without any more delay...

Three Chiefs Observations:

1. The end of one era, the beginning of another. After the Chiefs’ final victory over the Cincinnati Bengals in Arrowhead, Dick Vermeil expectedly stepped down from the helm, leaving KC without a coach for the first time in 5 years. GM/President/Head Cheerleader Carl Peterson moved quickly and confirmed the rumors that had been swirling for the last few weeks with the hiring of Herman Edwards, former Jets coach. When the Chiefs pulled Vermeil from the Rams, it cost them a first round draft pick; when they pulled Herm from the Jets, it only cost them a 4^th. Depreciation, anyone?

I for one am incredible excited about this move. Sure, Vermeil’s time was amazing – who didn’t enjoy scoring 40 points a game! – and has loads of good memories for me. However, it didn’t take me but 2 years under the Vermeil reign to actually miss the Marty Schottenheimer days, when we’d score 10 point and win versus score 40 and lose. Edwards, who actually coached under Schottenheimer here in KC years ago, is a mix of Marty’s defensive prowlness and Vermeils bonding-with-players-so-much-that-he-will-probably-cry-after -every-emotional-victory. Cool.

The bad news is in the hiring of Herm, KC broke an unofficial promise to Al Saunder, the architect of the Greatest Show on Turf Urf. In the last few years, Saunders has been approached by countless teams, from the Raiders to the Cornhuskers to the Peoria Pigskin Punchers, to be their head coach, and he always (for reasons unknown to fans) turned down these offers. Of course, it was because of the fact that he was 2^nd in the line of KC’s coaching succession. However, when that cup completely skipped to an entirely new line, Saunders likely felt betrayed, and so on he went to Washington to try and pull the miserable Redskins out of the pit. G’luck.

So to replace him, we upgraded offensive line coach Mike Solari to the mastermind’s position. From the outside, this might look stupid. O-Line coaches aren’t traditionally known to be revolutionaries in calling plays, and their experience isn’t in RBs and WRs like it is in those fat guys who knock over other fat guys. But really, no one was a better choice. Solari’s a guy whose name has been coming up in NFL circles in the past few years as a future o-cord. He’s worked almost directly with Saunders, so thinking like Sensei Al shouldn’t be a problem. And based on the work he’s done on the stellar offensive line, he’s got a strong knowledge of what works. I’m all in.

I like the changes that have been made, coaching-wise, this off-season. Let’s just pray it’ll make a difference this time around.

2. To T.O. or not to T.O.? So right around the ProBowl time, rumors started to fly out of Philadelphia that Terrell Owens – yes, that Terrell Owens – was looking for a new home to destroy. Suitors included Atlanta (Haha, him and Vick? LOL, ROTFL), Dallas (“Mr. Parcells, EVERY MEDIA OUTLET IN THE WORLD on line one.”), and Denver (Jokes aside, *gulp* Someone, right now, please clone Patrick Surtain.). However, Kansas City’s name has been coming up as well, and there’s a decent shot that the Chiefs really could come out of this off-season with a new number 81. Sorry, Chris Horn.

If T.O. isn’t traded here in the next like 8 hours, he’ll likely be cut by the Iggles, and then he’s free to sign with whichever team he wants. After a lot of soul-searching, praying, and a dice throw, I’m going to go with the opposite of what I’d say 3 months ago; Please, Carl, sign him. Yes, he’s a locker room cancer. Yes, he’s obnoxious. Yes, his end-zone dances aren’t as original as Chad Johnson’s. But T.O. is one of the 3 players in the NFL whose signing itself almost guarantees you 3 more wins per season. (In that list, I’m also putting my arch-nemesis Tom Brady and the playoff -punished Peyton Manning… speaking of him, wouldn’t it be funny if Peyton and Marty ended up on the same football team? You could toss on Jim Kelly as the backup QB, Curtis Martin, and the entire Atlanta Braves organization as well)

Terrell Owens is not Osama Bin Laden. He’s not Terrell Sadam Hussein or Terrell Jeff Dahmer or Terrell Scott Peterson. He’s a selfish football player who wants the ball 100% of the time. But really, what do you expect? Do you want your star wide receiver to not want the ball on every play? Especially when the star wide receiver is literally someone who can take it to the house any play? Would we be upset if Larry Johnson said he wanted 100% of the carries, or if Greg Wesley said he wanted 100% of the interceptions? Don’t think so either. He can help this team. This is the word of Chris: DO IT.

3. Cuts like a knife, but it feels so… wrong. So the AP’s reporting that there’s a chance that the Collective Bargaining Agreement won’t be reached in the next few hours. What does that mean? I dunno. So I went online to research it out. Here’s what I got:

One of the best things about the NFL is parallel to what’s the worst about MLB, and that’s the salary cap and revenue sharing. Basically, every team in the league is limited to how much money they can spend on players. This is so every team has a shot at getting good people and they’re not perennial losers like a dozen teams in the Major Leagues. Also, they all get equal money, no matter if they’re New York (who, between endorsements, TV deals, stadium naming rights, jacked-up-high ticket prices, and everything else makes $240m/year) or Green Bay (who makes like just under $100m/year). This makes life faaaaaaaaaaaaaair.

Well the thing that keeps that in place (the CBA) just expired without the NFL renewing it (they’re trying!), so as of now, while there’s a salary cap for 2006, there’s not one for 2007. Basically, why use your money now when you can buy EVERYONE next year. It’s a scary thing. If this does go down, the NFL will be the first league to have a salary cap go away rather than added to it. Not a good thing.

Even more locally, because of this whole money issue, there’s a list of 7 or 8 guys who the Chiefs could cut, including Shawn Barber, Chris Bober, Priest-Freaking-Holmes, Dexter MeCleon, Eric Warfield, John Welbourn, Greg Weseley, Jerome Woods, and the scariest of them all *gulp* Will Shields. Any/all of these guys could get shot down in order to make room for KC to sign new free agents and draft picks. While every team in the NFL is going through this crisis, the names of who we’re cutting looks pretty significant to me!

This is the word of Chris: Since something has to be done, I’d cut Barber, McCleon, Woods, and probably ask Shields to retire (with tears in my eyes). My prediction for what will be done, however, is different: KC cuts Shields, McCleon, Warfield, Barber, and possibly Priest. Sorry guys :(

Ok, so that’s about all. Hopefully I’ll do another Chiefs update pretty soon here, with good news coming from it. Later!

-cw