Observations | Final Pre-Egypt Post!

MY APARTMENT – Only 3 hours till I begin my big adventure!

As I sit here writing this post, I think of all the things I packed in my suitcase, the possible things I might have forgotten (“Should I bring my little plastic Christmas tree? Hmmmm…”), and the few plans I’ve had yet to solidify. But most of all, I’m overcome with excitement for the time that’s about to come, starting at 4pm when Lauran and I head to the airport. Even though it’ll be a while before we’re in Egypt – we don’t leave Kenya until 7:15pm, arrive in Ethiopia at 9pm, and still have to wait 12 hours to fly to Cairo! – I itch with anticipation for the beginning steps in my Christmas break adventure.

I don’t know how well I’ll be able to keep in touch in these next two weeks. As of right now, I’m not planning on bringing my laptop with me, although there’s still ample time to change my mind. It seems like there are a pretty decent amount of internet cafes, so maybe I can get some posts done there. However, I want you all to know that while I’m not around, you’ll all still be in my heart as I get to tour this incredibly historical place. Lauran, iGor (my iPod), and I will definitely have a great time, but look forward to coming home, too.

Wow, did I just refer to Maxwell as home? Hmmm… :)

Three (heck, why not) Four final observations before I leave:

1. To answer the most obvious, most pressing questions that are undoubtedly on your minds as Christmas time rolls around: 1) Yes, we celebrate X-Mas in Africa, and 2) Yes, Santa is black. Duh. On Tuesday’s town trip, after eating an incredible meal and For You, a great Chinese restaurant (now referred to politically-incorrectly by Elvin as “Ching Chong Town”), we decided to go over to the Yaya Center, a nice mall, and do our part in accelerating the digestion process. We walked in, unified in our goal to simply walk around, until my eyes met up with one of the most brilliantly hilarious sights I’d ever witnessed: black Santa.

Sitting in a large chair with a Christmas tree behind him, no different than the scene in any mall anywhere in the States, was Santa Claus, decked out in a red suit and a white beard. No different, of course, except in the fact that this was not Santa Claus but Santa Leroy. I knew from the moment it caught my eye that I’d have to sit on his lap.

We walked around to do our shopping, and on our way out to the vehicle, I decided I couldn’t go without this picture. I very willingly paid the 300/= for a shot and pulled Honey with me to the big fella’s lap. I never beamed so bright as I knew I had the perfect image to post on this blog. As I pulled myself up to a standing position, I was yanked down by Santa Black’s hand. Kris Kringle Kenya apparently had something to tell me.

“WHMM MM MYU MANN MOR MRISMA?”

The blank, confused, and likely frightened look on my face was probably read by Santa, and he spoke up louder to get his words around the large fake white cotton beard.

“WHA DU YOU WAN FOR CHRISMAS?”

Ah, yes, thankfully, a Kenyan accent. NOW I can understand. “Peace on earth… and to get off your lap, you creep fool!” (Note: The second part of this statement wasn’t actually voiced, but expressed through my wriggling and squirming on this pervert’s lap. Let me GO!). I managed to escape the death grip that usually has hold of eight tiny elephants. Honey, still being held onto and likely groped by the Molest’a’Claus, shot me a look of desperation, and after a bit of tugging, we managed to pry her off the full-grown adult’s lap.

Was it worth it? What do you think?

Oh yea. Definitely.

2. Now I can finally nap in peace. After months and months of appreciating the Maxwell Academy Prep Band (Prep likely being an acronym for “Pretty much Ruining Easy band Pieces”), the day had finally come: band concert. This is the day the students who’d worked so hard, slaving over their choir and band pieces, had been looking forward to for so long.

(Elvin and I had been looking forward to this day for equally as long. After this concert, there would probably be no more slaughtering music during our nap time.)

All jokes aside, the concert, which took place up at the division because of it’s great acoustics and stunningly magnificent architecture that makes St. Peter’s Basillica look like Steven’s Shrimp Shack (“Thanks tithe money!”), was wonderful. The music department put on a great show, the appropriate conclusion to a semester of practicing their music over and over and over again.

Afterwards, the students celebrated with a pizza dinner in the cafeteria and a marshmallow roast at our amphitheater/fire-pit/make-out corner before going back to the café for a showing of the Christmas classic, Elf. (Who’s copy? Hmmm…) As for Valerie and I, we slipped out of the part-ay to have our own; the Chiefs were about to whoop the Denver Broncos.

Merry Christmas.

3. Speaking of the Chiefs… my parents are awesome. These two thoughts might seem like non-sequitors, but in fact, they are very related, thanks to Chiefs Pro-Bowl fullback Tony Richardson.

A few weeks ago, my mom wrote Carl Peterson, GM/President/Grand Poobah of the Kansas City Chiefs, to tell him about her incredible son, the obsessive Chris Webb who doesn’t flinch at waking up at 4am to listen to his favorite football team play a game. She told him I’d watched all their games via VCR and how even all the way in Africa, I still managed to tell them news about the team before they even knew.

I don’t really know what happened in the locker room or offices of Arrowhead; all I know is that a week ago I got this in my email inbox:

Hello Chris,

I hope this e-mail finds you well. I've heard a lot of great things about you and want to let you know I'm proud of the commitment you've made to help other people in their time of need.

Your mother Olga wrote a letter to the Kansas City Chiefs and told me a little bit about you. By the way, this is Tony Richardson of the Kansas City Chiefs. We appreciate your support from afar.

Your mother told us about your bedroom and that you are a huge Chiefs fan. As you know we just had a great victory against Denver to put us at 8-4 and we're very optimistic about this week's game vs Dallas and the remainder of the season.

Continue to walk this great walk of faith. I'll be praying for you. Go Chiefs and God bless!!

Tony Richardson

I really believed this was the meanest joke ever, brought to me by my cruel parents, until I did some research. It was sent at 12pm CST, far past their bedtimes. He did mention Olga, something my mom or dad wouldn’t have straight-up wrote (too suspicious). And then there’s the email address: an AOL account (which you have to pay for), and registered to a Tony Richardson from Kansas City… hmmm.

Needless to say, I flipped. I ran over to Valerie’s apartment to show her, breaking a glass bottle and almost my ankle on the way. I forwarded the letter to my parents, sister, friends, relatives, and in general, pretty much anyone I knew. I couldn’t believe it!

Mom, Dad, T-Rich – you guys are awesome.

4. The new reading list: David Sedaris, Douglas Adams, and Egypt guidebooks. I’ve bought two David Sedaris audiobooks – “Live at Carnegie Hall” and “Dress your family in corduroys and denim” – in the last 3 days. I borrowed the “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” 4-part “trilogy” from the Hartzells a few days ago. And I’ve got two separate guidebooks regarding the place I’ll be for the next two weeks.

I shouldn’t be too busy.

Allright, I believe that’s all. 2 hours and counting! Miss you all already.

-cw