Observations - SPECIAL "PUNISHMENTS" EDITION

MY APARTMENT – I wouldn’t say it was a hard few days on duty. For the most part, the guys on Wednesday night were very cooperative with me, and my second weekend on duty went incredibly smoothly.

But the few guys that did think messing with the dean was a great idea did give the weekend some... spunk. On three separate occasions, I was greeted with relatively difficult situations that I hadn’t had to deal with before. Luckily, the self-proclaimed Social Life Terminator was there, with his laser gun of discipline in hand, ready to dish it out. Here is the special edition…

Three punishments from the last few days:

1. The incarnation of dean-bound. Wednesday night when I was on duty, I had the grand opportunity of handing out punishments to the begging-to-be-dealt-with guys of Tegler Hall. The night began with 5 students who’d been room-bound the night before for being out of their rooms after lights out. They were instructed (all between 2 and 3 times each) that they were to remain in their rooms for the whole next day (with the exception of classes, work, and meals, of course).
   
   Sadly, the “Deaf Fairy” dropped by to bring the guys little presents, and I was told by my RA that all 5 had been outside, playing soccer. I was very excited, because it was another chance for me to try coming up with new and entertaining punishments, and I hadn’t had anything revolutionary since Chuck* was assigned the duty of scrubbing toilets with a 2-inch long travel toothbrush. What could I come up with that would be equally “effective in teaching a lesson” and “horribly punishing beyond all belief” for the guys?
   
   It was then that an angel came down from heaven with the idea of a lifetime: dean-bound. I pulled the 5 into the lobby to get their side of the story. Once they were done explaining how they hadn’t heard one of the many warnings not to go to recreation, I explained to them what I wanted to do: room-bound until Sunday night (when I went off duty), in their rooms at all times, and when out of the rooms (for supper or Vespers or Church) they’d be sitting with me. Oh, and a one page paper about how they’d never forget they were dean-bound again.
   
   Now, I thought that wasn’t even a real punishment. I mean, I’m a cool guy. How bad would it be to sit with me a couple of days? Oh, let me tell you, it was like I’d asked the guys to take a knife and stab it through their hands. “OH, MR. WEBB, PLEASE DON’T!!! THAT’S TOO EVIL!”
   
   After much pleading, I finally lowered the punishment to room-bound until Friday night (before Vespers) and no customary Friday afternoon soccer game. I am too merciful.


2. World War III: When Ben* Attacks. The second onslaught of discipline came a few minutes after lights out. After the threat of “dean-bound,” my creative-punishments juices were drained, so I informed the RAs to warn the guys that they’d better be in their rooms because I didn’t want any more excitement for the night.
   
   10 minutes before lights out, we announced not to be late, or discipline would follow. We announced it again, 5 minutes before. Then again, 2 minutes before. Then one minute before. 30 seconds before. 10 seconds. Lights out.
   
   And still, we catch 4 guys outside their rooms. We send all 4 to the lobby for a spirited exercise, the 4-way push-up. Three headed to the lobby; Ben* decided to test the RA.
   
   A few minutes go by, and Andrew, my RA, can’t seem to get the fellow to join us in the lobby, so he calls me over for backup. I informed Ben* that he needed to get to the lobby “like, uh, right NOW.” After arguing for a minute or so, he finally followed me to the spot where the other 3 criminals were waiting.
   
   But Ben* wasn’t going to do pushups. “What is my crime, what is my crime?” What is my crime? What the heck does he think? “You were out of your room after we warned to a million times lights out was coming, and then you argued with my RA. Get down and give me 50.””No no, you cannot make me. Take me to Mr. V[erSteeg, the dean]. I will do no punishment.”
   
   At this point, I was incredible volatile. I was getting tired, I was ticked off at the five we-didn’t-know-room-bound-meant-in-the-room guys, and I had to potty. I had had enough. I stormed to the office, picked up my 2-inch long travel toothbrush, and calmly told Ben* to follow me to the bathroom. We had some toilets to scrub.
   
   Long story short, Ben* wasn’t going to scrub toilets. He insisted I take him to Mr. V, and then after more arguing, that he be brought before Ad Council (“At least there, they will listen to my side.”). I gladly told him I’d take him up on the latter option the next day, so very smug-like, he went to bed. Somehow he felt like he’d won the debate, even though Elvin, my RAs, and the ASB president (who sits on Ad Council) had witnessed the whole thing.
   
   He apologized to me in the morning, but the damage had been done. The entire dorm had heard this kid challenge the dean, and I wasn’t going to let him off easy. Mr. VerSteeg told me at staff worship, after I explained the whole scene, that if I said the word, he’d be suspended. I thought about it, prayed about it, and decided that I could take care of this in-house.I sentenced Ben* to 4-days of room bound and vowed to testify against him if this ever happened with another teacher again. He was aghast that I’d given him “such a strict punishment,” but seemed to favor it over being sent home to explain the argument to his parents.
   
   Throughout the weekend, we’ve had a few more smaller run-ins (“You mean I’m supposed to be on room-bound on Sabbath? But it’s Sabbath!” “It’s ok, you can worship Jesus, alone, in your room. Check out those verses about respecting your elders, while you’re at it.”), but nothing nearly as intense as before. The Social Life Terminator succeeds again.


3. “You mean, down to the end of the hall?” However, punishments took another entertaining swing on Friday night, when Alex*, a Junior, decided to drink out of the public sink in the lobby. There’s a pretty MASSIVE sign there informing guys not to be that gross – after all, it is public, not just yours – but Alex* didn’t realize the sign also applied to him. Now, how could I teach him to use a cup instead of his mouth on the tap?
   
   Of course, we’d go “old school.” I placed a bucket at the far end of the hall and informed Alex* to fill up the bucket. The bucket wouldn’t move. And he couldn’t use a cup now. You got it; Alex* walked up a down the hallway, water filled in his mouth and cupped in his hands, emptying it out in the pail.
   
   After two runs, he asked to step into his room to change out of his church clothes. I, of course, expected that to mean he’d be changing into a pair of PJs or something, so I mercifully allowed it. Minutes later, I was shocked to see the previously fully-clothed guy transferring the water back and forth in just his underwear! I laughed so hard, I thought the water I was drinking would squirt out my nose.
   
   With about two trips from reaching the top of the bucket left, Alex* was ready to get revenge. Walking down the hall near the RA (Evan) and I, he “lost his balanced and slipped,” spilling all the water in his hands on us. The hallway erupted in laughter – he sure did get them back! However, as my mom used to say, “he who laughs last, laughs best.” I quickly took the bucket to the bathroom, dumped it all out, and placed it back in the same spot, empty. When Alex* came back on his “last trip,” he was surprised to see that his bucket was empty, and needed to be refilled again. HAHA, how you like them apples?!

Like I said earlier, there were pretty much those three little “situations,” and otherwise, the weekend has moved very smoothly. With just a few hours to go, I’m hoping that the Social Life Terminator’s blog will see an “Hasta la vista, baby” before it sees an “I’ll be back.”

-cw


*Names have been changed to protect the innocent... or presumed innocent.